Guest Blog: “Bully Buster”: Six Strategies to Help Children Become Upstanders
By Michele Borba, author of End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy
Here are six strategies to teach kids how to safely intervene (from my book End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy). The acronym “BUSTER” helps children remember these six ways they can be upstanders. Each letter represents a proven upstander skill. I’ve taught these skills to hundreds of children around the world—they work, and they were even featured on an NBC Dateline special.
Of course, not every strategy works for every student, so it’s important to provide a range of strategies. Then adults must guide students so they know when and how to step in safely or get adult help. The trick is finding techniques that match each child’s comfort level and fit the particular situation. Practice each BUSTER skill until kids feel confident using it without adult guidance. Some teachers have children role-play the BUSTER skills at assemblies or in classrooms and then display poster reminders in hallways. Above all, children must trust that adults will back them up so they feel safe to step in and speak out.
Befriend the Target. If witnesses know that the target wants support, they are more likely to step in. And if just one child befriends a target, other peers are more likely to join. Here are some ideas for how kids can befriend a student being targeted:
Comfort: Stand closer to the target.
Ask others for aid: “Come help!”
Clarify: “Do you need help?”
Describe feelings: “She looks upset.” “He looks sad. Let’s help.”
Use a Distraction. The right diversion can disperse the crowd and make bystanders focus elsewhere. That can give the target a chance to get away and even can stop the bullying. Those who bully usually want an audience, so upstanders can reduce it with a distraction:
Ask a question: “What are you all doing here?”
Use diversions: “There’s a great volleyball game going on! Come on!”
Give an excuse: “A teacher is coming!” “I can’t find my bus.”
Speak Out and Stand Up! Directly confronting someone who bullies is intimidating, and it’s a rare kid who can. But there are ways to stand up to cruelty. Speaking out can encourage others to lend a hand and join you. Do stress: “You must stay cool, and never boo, clap, laugh, or insult, which can egg on the bullying.” Here are some ways kids can speak out and stand up:
Show disapproval: Give a cold, silent stare. Say: “This isn’t cool!”
Name the behavior: “That’s bullying!” “That’s mean!”
Ask for support: “Are you with me?” “Come on, let’s help!”
Tell or Text for Help. First, teach children the difference between reporting (trying to stop someone from being hurt) and tattling (trying to get someone in trouble). Safety must be the primary goal. So stress: “If someone could get hurt, REPORT! It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” Then teach children ways to get help:
Tell an adult: Keep telling until you find someone who believes you.
Call or text for help: Call 911 if someone could be or is injured.
Exit Alone or with Others. Tell kids that those who bully usually love audiences. Upstanders can drain that power by reducing the group size. Remember the word SEED:
Suggest: “Let’s go.”
Encourage: “You coming with me?”
Exit: If you can’t get others to leave with you, then quietly walk away. Refuse to be part of the cruelty.
Direct: “Let’s go!”
Give a Reason or Offer a Remedy. Bystanders are more likely to help if told why the action is wrong or what to do.
Review why it’s wrong: “This isn’t right!” “This is mean!” “You’ll get suspended.” “You’ll hurt him.”
Offer a remedy: “Go get help!” “Let’s work this out with Coach.”